| The number 22, not 23 thats a shitty movie |
[19 Nov 2009|12:26pm] |
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22 is the magic number! 22 CLASSES TIL ANOTHER DEGREE! I feel decent. In May 2011 I will 're-graduate'. I dont have to take a SINGLE nonsense gen-ed class, not one. I'm as on-track as I can be right now, for someone who has been completely de-railed for 4 years. The only thing that pisses me off is that what I'm doing right now could have been done 4 years ago and I could have had a real career and a real life right now. But whatever, can't change it, can just pick up, albeit 2 years behind where I'm supposed to be. Pro-longed toddler teaching is the benefit?
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| Whatttttttttttt was I doing whyyyyyyyyyy |
[18 Nov 2009|03:02pm] |
Anything related to college for me has been a big FML hahahah
Worst experience ever, with the capstone being going to 1 'prestigious' ass school and not 1, but 2 expensive ass schools and coming away with nothing useful. WHAT A WASTE OF TIME. Fuck 18 year old me, fuck.
Well anyways, tomorrow I will find out how many semesters its going to take me to get a business degree. I could basically just pick one out of a hat because I dont know anything about any of them, but probably leaning towards accounting.
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| Means Me |
[05 Oct 2009|03:26am] |
Honestly nothing surprises me, I don't put anything past anyone, and it's a weird feeling to say that only half of me cares and the other half of me doesn't, because coming close to believing 'what you don't know doesn't hurt you' feels like giving up.
Git money git money, be glad for ANYTHING you have, and realize that you're #1 and you have to look out for #1 at all times because no one else will.
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| Back 2 Skool |
[24 Sep 2009|01:50pm] |
I'm pretty positive Im done with the psychology path. A) I hate direct care B) the pay is SHIT beyond shit until you are a practicing clinician, C) at which point I will owe a billion dollars for the 6 years of school to get there. Not worth it AT ALL for a job that I won't know if I like at all until I've already invested hundreds of thousands of dollars and 6 more years of school getting there.
I'm facing that fact that I wasted undergrad. Now, to get back on a new track. Did research and it will take me about 4 semesters to take all the business related courses to get a BS in business, with all my gen-eds already completed. Say I started this spring semester. Went summer semester. Then Fall semester and next Spring semester, I'd be 'graduating' May 2011. This is not at all terrible, because if I stayed on the Psychology path, I would have to work at this crappy job until the end of 2011 ANYWAY, and then possibly STILL be rejected from a graduate program, because that 5% acceptance rate doesn't go away. And quite frankly I think I'd RATHER be in school knowing I'm working towards something than at this pisspoor job where I may NOT be working towards anything at all. THEN I could potentially enter an MBA program Fall 2011. A Masters degree is 2 years tops, to make more money than I would have made with 6 years in graduate school for psychology.
TIMEWISE, I'm ahead of the game by switching tracks. EVEN FACTORING IN 2 MORE YEARS OF UNDERGRAD, I will complete a business track sooner that I would have completed a psych track. It MAKES SENSE, am I right?
Then the issue of what school, and with what money. 2 years at Merrimack (where I graduated from already) would cost $80,000, and their business school isn't accredited. HA, not going there. Obv need someplace I can commute to, cheapness is a plus, SO UMass (Lowell) it is. I have no problem going there now, since anyone I know would have graduated already, I can go to school with a bunch of younger strangers, that's cool. Hopefully 90% of my gen-eds would transfer, I mean I have a TON between UConn and Merrimack. I think UMass requires language for some reason, I could crank out a couple Spanish classes, already took it for 4 years, I'd just cheat and do basic again haha.
My parents claim they're done paying for school. Worst case scenario, if I get no scholarships and no financial aid, ULowell costs $11,000 a year. That's DIRT compared to what my last 2 schools cost. I should be able to get scholarships out the ass from already graduating a college #1 in my class, and from SAT scores if they want to treat me as a highschool graduate still.
ALSO, remember back in highschool where if you scored in the highest percentile on the MCAS you were offered a full scholarship to any and all state universities? I WONDER IF THAT OFFER STILL HOLDS? I never used mine back then. I need to look up the name of that scholarship/award, that would be a fucking MIRACLE if any of that still held.
The idea of having 4 more semesters to do is a littttttttttttle bit depressing because its like 'I thought I was DONE with papers for awhile'. But, I've only been out of school/the routine for a semester so it shouldn't be too shocking, just have to suck it up.
I've never taken any type of business class, not in highschool, not in college. So I'm actually a bit interested to take ALL the "Intro to ________" classes because I really don't know what I'm interested in or what I'm good at. (Human Resources currently has my attention because it is still within the realm of psychology) I'm willing to do anything that results in a high paying job. Really that's the long and short of it. And I wouldn't be doing any of this if I wasn't confident that I can DO anything that is put in front of me. TEACH ME, and I can do. I have no experience or knowledge now, but I have also never failed at anything I've been taught. Unless picking a major the first time around counts, I failed at that.
Let's do this. Please let's do this.
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| Its better in the bahamas |
[29 Aug 2009|04:23am] |
The next facebook photo album I see of 'My summer in Cancun/Bermuda/Hawaii/Florida/San Francisco/Bahamas' I'm going to jump off a cliff.
Yes I get it, every year of college you go on at least 2 tropical vacations. Sorry my family's not rich and I will never go anywhere, ever.
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[14 Aug 2009|04:19am] |
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Look on the bright side, waiting 2 years before going for my doctorate means it doesn't matter that I didn't study this summer to retake my GREs, and I can procrastinate doing so for another full year!
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| And also |
[10 Aug 2009|03:10pm] |
Justine found this blog entry from someone else who went to 789, talking about how the weekend made you rethink things in your life and how everything got depressing after and YUP. Its dead on and its AMAZING to me that someone else felt this way:
"And things are back to normal. Unfortunately “normal” for me is quite boring, and 10x more boring after the week I just had. So boring, I don’t even know what to do with myself anymore. The plainness of my life was acceptable to me before, nothing has changed. The only difference now is that I’ve gotten a taste of how amazing and exciting things can be, and now my expectations have risen. I’ve seen the kind of friends I can have. And so the things I accepted before seem like wastes of time to me now. I could be staying at somebody’s house tonight. I could be working on a project. I could be grocery shopping. I could be taking pictures. I could be making videos. Yet I sit here and I do nothing. Sure, I’ll make a video or edit a picture. I’ll read, or do something semi-productive, but with no company. (oh gee, does this person have the SAME life as me or what?)
I’m pretty certain the rest of the kandy krew has not been effected by this the way I have. They went back to huge groups of friends and work and lives that have meaning. (this this this this. Im sure its stupid to think, but I feel like no one misses me the way I miss them and that everyone else is fine without all our friendship. I know Joy feels similarly, and I know Joy and I both have no self esteem.)
I went back to sitting at my computer typing up blog entries. While this does all suck, it’s a bit eye opening to me. Not only has meeting these amazing people made me realize what I was missing, but it opened so many doors to new things in the future, with them. One day, I’m going to go to Oregon, and Canada, and California. And it’s going to be with and to see people I love. And I’m going to meet new people and do new things. (YES YES YES YES 789 made me realize that I haven't had REALLY FUN FUN or laughed nonstop, since HIGHSCHOOL. I have spent 4 years having NO FUN. College was the most empty miserable 4 years of my life, which I knew before, but NOW that I've seen there's more out there I feel compelled to MAKE UP for all the fun I haven't been having. It's gotten to where I accept the fact that the most exciting thing that happens to me in a month is a trip to the mall with Rachel or Joy. All the other days Andrew and I hang out and do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Play video games and watch netflix.) I CAN go on trips. This is another big thing: Because my parents do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, ever (IE they won't go on vacations that aren't just staying at Gwen's house) I have convinced myself over time that I don't WANT to do anything. While I honestly don't enjoy TRAVEL itself, it's a huge hassle, and I have no desire to see famous things or leave the country, I CAN still go places (to see the people that are becoming important to me and just ENJOY LIFE). I'm an adult, with a bank account and money saved that is 100% earned by me, I've just never had anyone to plan trips with or to GO WITH because my family refuses. Just because THEY do nothing doesn't mean I have to do nothing. I CAN go to IMATS in Toronto. Everyone else has been to Canada to spend a week underage drinking, I can go there to meet up with friends who are scattered across the country and do what we love. I CAN go to Disney World with the DreamTeam in 2010. I CAN go to any of the states where these friends are and just LIVE for awhile because they offer a place to stay. I CAN make sure Josh plans that Hawaii trip. Because when the hell else and with WHO the hell else will I ever do these things with? Family trips don't exist in my family, none of my real life friends have money to do anything, and my adult life where I have a job and a family and shit hasn't started yet. No better time than NOW. Time to start hoarding money and go on every single trip that Josh's extravagant mind can come up with.) All that means for me now is that I keep my expectations high, and no longer settle for the plain things that seemed acceptable before"
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| Shamstuff <3 |
[10 Aug 2009|09:07am] |
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mood |
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Rest in peace Shammy <3
I don't think I cried this much when my own kitty died in highschool.
You were the best cat in the world and its not fair but I hope you loved the life you did have baby
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| Tru Fax |
[31 Jul 2009|05:06am] |
"People have their exits and their entrances". "So thank you for serving that particular purpose at that particular time in my life".
At my core I am overwhelmingly drawn to charity case individuals
and I love NOTHING more than to give.
Suzy please don't finish that last sentence.
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| SAW 6 IN 3 MONTHS! |
[25 Jul 2009|05:01pm] |
OBBBBBBSESSED! Still getting chills every time I hear the climax music!!!!!!!!!
Not to mentionnnnnnnn Rob Zombie's Halloween II a month from this weekend!
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| Continued |
[19 Jul 2009|02:21am] |
I want to join the Jenn/Dana/Steve/everybody else train of 'we got our psych degrees but aren't actually planning on doing anything with psych'. Don't they tell you its one of those 'versatile' degrees where you can go into any masters program really with it and set a completely different career path? Im having a crisis here. I need a career counselor, which is funny because I got an email about my resume on Monster the other day asking me to interview for a career counselor position. Yeah because clearly I'm really good at finding employment oppurtunities. Yuppp, am I going to end up being one of those people who does nothing related to what they did in undergrad? Couldddd be, since I'm burnt out with psych before I've even started, basically because there's no start, and the finish isn't very appealing either. Desk job please. I got offered an interview randomly through Monster for some 'financial represenatative something something' job in Waltham. I'm rereading that email now...
I want to do a masters in an entirely unrelated area. Research time...Marketing? What IS marketing? Bet I could do it.
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| Fuck me |
[19 Jul 2009|01:49am] |
Biggest mistake in my life was picking my major. Whyyyy oh whyyyy. I wasted my free ride money on something fruitless. How much would it cost to just do like 2 years of undergrad over to get a different degree? Gen-eds are done, can't I just pick up a second major? It would probably be more worthwhile than wasting money on a billion years of school for more psych bullshit.
Dumb dumb dumb dumb me for picking a job based on something I was interested in. Today, you don't pick a job based on what you love. You pick a job based on what is going to pay the bills. You won'ttttt convince me that you should just 'do what makes you happy', because I can bring you full circle and tell you that living comfortably and well makes me happy, money makes you live comfortably and well, and therefore money makes me happy. Money can solve 90% of all problems, I've always said it and it holds true. Money has pull, and some pull in some direction can fix virtually anything.
Give me anything and I will excel at it. That I can say with confidence, excelling is what I do, what I've always done. Teach me the basis of something and I will excel. Sadly, I picked a field, much like teaching, where there IS no excelling. You bust your ass and get nowhere.
You knowwww that the jobs that help human beings the most are most underpaid and underappreciated. I have always said that teachers are the most important people in the world. WHO does the average kid spend most of their life around, see most, perhaps see more than their family. Teachers. Teachers influence EVERYTHING, teachers are such HUGE figures in your life. Can you imagine if you had the same teacher for everything, from preschool through college? That person would be your entire life. Teachers, collectively, are your entire life. I sound like a lunatic, but my point is the under appreciation thing. Teachers make no money, and are seen as having bad jobs. In the majority of jobs where you help human beings, that is the only payoff you get, the work itself. The exhausting work itself. Teachers, Peace Corps, Social Work, Psychology.
Teach me computers, teach me marketing, give me a basis in anything and I can be the best at it. But nottttttt this fruitless effort. YAY HUMAN SERVICES.
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[06 Jul 2009|11:41pm] |
Every single everything is entirely discouraging, 100%. I'm just sick to death of it and waiting to catch a break.
My motivation is sucked dry and fun is needed but impossible to come by.
Yupppp.
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| Scalpel |
[02 Jul 2009|03:53am] |
I'm thinking about selling my Blink 182 tickets, for a number of reasons.
A) They were expensive
B) They are going for 3x said 'expensive' on Ebay=profit=I need
C) They are seats. I don't think it's possible for me to have a good time at a show where I'm in a seat
D) Joy and Eric aren't going
E) Andrew and I's seats aren't even TOGETHER, we couldn't get them together
F) Because of this show, I can only go to Maine for 1 week instead of 2 in August, and Maine will surely be the only fun I have this summer
G) I've seen Blink 182, twice, for cheap. They're not good live. I've also seen all the other bands before as well, nothing I haven't seen.
H) 75% of the setlist is stuff off the self titled album, which I hate
I'd say I should sell them, right? The only thing that makes me want to go is that the lineup is SO GOOD and I love FOB and PATD as well so that's a really solid 3 bands to see. Im actually most excited to see FOB, haven't seen them in a couple years. I'm not missing anything epic though, Blinks only been broken up for like 4 years, its not like I lost sleep over the breakup, and its not like its THE SPICE GIRLS who were broken up for 10 years and whom I hadn't seen live before!
Yeahhh, if I can get 2 or 3 times what I paid, on Ebay, I'm sellin.
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| 6 months til Christmas |
[01 Jul 2009|05:05pm] |
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One of the top reasons I want money is because I love nothing more than spoiling people at Christmas. It's depressing to know I might not be able to buy people a thousand Christmas gifts, I wish I was rich.
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| Awwww xSparkage! |
[29 Jun 2009|05:05pm] |
IM SO EXCITED FOR OUR GIRL!!! She has a full page spread in Seventeen Magazine August issue:
Leesha Im so proud of youuuuuuuuuu :)
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| Books Fo Sale |
[26 Jun 2009|10:37pm] |
A few people asked to see this list so Im just posting it here, I have a ton of books to sell mostly paperback novels for like $1 each, list under the cut. The numbers after the title indicate what condition the book is in on a scale of 1-5. No pages or covers are missing, everything is 100% readable no problem.
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| Entrevista |
[18 Jun 2009|10:38pm] |
I want to grade/rate myself on each 'real life' (AKA psych field, not a store or daycare center lol) interview I have, just for my own reference.
Today was real life interview #1 and I give myself an 80%. I want to say 75% because I feel like I rambled too much and didn't quite answer what she asked me by accident. BUT she seemed to LOVE me so I bump to 80% haha
My biggest mistake was I made myself sound like an overly stressed workaholic, which started off as a good thing because they kept emphasizing how much of an exhausting job it is and how you are multitasking and doing other people's jobs at all times and need to be prepared for that. I told her multitasking is honestly one of my strong qualities and that my academic record is proof that I am constantly pushing myself and getting things done at a top notch rate, but it got to the point where she was like 'do you ever let yourself de-stress?' and she sounded concerned hahahah she asked what I do to destress and since I didn't want to say 'sleep' or 'retail therapy' I said 'well I went to 6 Flags yesterday hahahah she laughed
I didn't realize until I was put on the spot today how many paralells there are between being a toddler teacher and working in a transitional living facility for the adolescent age group. My background in childcare is actually a HUGEEEEEEEE plus for working in human services because it is the same type of deal, working in family systems, being overworked and underpaid, nothing is reliable, you stick with it for the love of the population and not for the money. I obviously know alllllllll about that. And they consider teaching to be SO closely related, which I did not know. Anyways, not sure what I'm trying to say now Buttttt I got ideas for my SOP for gradschool today so that was the biggest plus of this interview I think.
In case you didn't know, I already knew going into this job that I couldn't have it because they said I live too far away and they don't hire people with long commutes for fulltime because statistics show you will quit within the first 3 months due to the stress of the commute coupled with the stress of the job and the fact that the shitty pay does not make the commuting expenses worthwhile. However, I asked if I could still interview to get my foot in the door in case a part time position opens in the future. I wanted to be persistent and show my interest in this particular program, because my interest is huge and genuine. I found out today that there newest program treats teen sex offenders and I couldnt help but think 'WOOOOOO SVU!' haha but yeah
I know I made a general good impression on the interviewer because at the start of the interview she hinted that there was really no point in my interviewing since they don't have part time positions and couldnt offer me fulltime because of the commute, but at the END of the interview she was putting in a call to someone and said she was going to go out of her way to see if she can get me hired on an on-call basis, which would average 20 hours a week filling in for people who call out or take a day off. That sounds like part-time to me, AKA what I wanted.
I sent out 4 resumes and applications to other places yesterday. Callbacks are few and far between, not just for me, for everyone I've talked to.
Interview was good, but outlook overall still very bleak.
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| Priorities, man |
[11 Jun 2009|03:27am] |
The Brooke-ism of the day, as pointed out by Andrew:
"I'm looking at your to-do list here, and 'buy eyeliner pencil sharpener' comes before 'send out resume'."
Thissss had us laughing for about 20 minutes. This is how I roll. Gosh, why don't I have a job?
Well ACTUALLY I got called for an interview today. It's for a residential counselor position at a center for teen girls who are cutters, prostitutes, or have eating disorders. Did I mention IT'S SALARIED. It's a legit job. 40 hours a week. Sounds amazing right? Here's the clincher: It's an hour and 15 minutes away by public transportation and requires 3 train/bus/subway switch-overs for $18 a day, as well as walking many blocks. Even if I COULD drive myself there, parking is $15 a day, plus there's gas. The pay is complete SHIT, and half the money would go into getting there.
I'm going to go to the interview and orientation next week, and IF and only IF it looks like the most amazing thing ever and not just Teen Living Program part 2, I will try to make it work somehow. Otherwise, blah. At least I know I CAN get a job. Why couldn't this be like in Lowell or something??
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| Because seven ate nine |
[08 Jun 2009|02:04am] |
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789 in NYC is a month from today! I think I might be most excited to meet my inner self, Justine hahhaha
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