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[06 Jul 2009|11:41pm] |
Every single everything is entirely discouraging, 100%. I'm just sick to death of it and waiting to catch a break.
My motivation is sucked dry and fun is needed but impossible to come by.
Yupppp.
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| Scalpel |
[02 Jul 2009|03:53am] |
I'm thinking about selling my Blink 182 tickets, for a number of reasons.
A) They were expensive
B) They are going for 3x said 'expensive' on Ebay=profit=I need
C) They are seats. I don't think it's possible for me to have a good time at a show where I'm in a seat
D) Joy and Eric aren't going
E) Andrew and I's seats aren't even TOGETHER, we couldn't get them together
F) Because of this show, I can only go to Maine for 1 week instead of 2 in August, and Maine will surely be the only fun I have this summer
G) I've seen Blink 182, twice, for cheap. They're not good live. I've also seen all the other bands before as well, nothing I haven't seen.
H) 75% of the setlist is stuff off the self titled album, which I hate
I'd say I should sell them, right? The only thing that makes me want to go is that the lineup is SO GOOD and I love FOB and PATD as well so that's a really solid 3 bands to see. Im actually most excited to see FOB, haven't seen them in a couple years. I'm not missing anything epic though, Blinks only been broken up for like 4 years, its not like I lost sleep over the breakup, and its not like its THE SPICE GIRLS who were broken up for 10 years and whom I hadn't seen live before!
Yeahhh, if I can get 2 or 3 times what I paid, on Ebay, I'm sellin.
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| 6 months til Christmas |
[01 Jul 2009|05:05pm] |
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One of the top reasons I want money is because I love nothing more than spoiling people at Christmas. It's depressing to know I might not be able to buy people a thousand Christmas gifts, I wish I was rich.
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| Awwww xSparkage! |
[29 Jun 2009|05:05pm] |
IM SO EXCITED FOR OUR GIRL!!! She has a full page spread in Seventeen Magazine August issue:
Leesha Im so proud of youuuuuuuuuu :)
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| Books Fo Sale |
[26 Jun 2009|10:37pm] |
A few people asked to see this list so Im just posting it here, I have a ton of books to sell mostly paperback novels for like $1 each, list under the cut. The numbers after the title indicate what condition the book is in on a scale of 1-5. No pages or covers are missing, everything is 100% readable no problem.
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| Entrevista |
[18 Jun 2009|10:38pm] |
I want to grade/rate myself on each 'real life' (AKA psych field, not a store or daycare center lol) interview I have, just for my own reference.
Today was real life interview #1 and I give myself an 80%. I want to say 75% because I feel like I rambled too much and didn't quite answer what she asked me by accident. BUT she seemed to LOVE me so I bump to 80% haha
My biggest mistake was I made myself sound like an overly stressed workaholic, which started off as a good thing because they kept emphasizing how much of an exhausting job it is and how you are multitasking and doing other people's jobs at all times and need to be prepared for that. I told her multitasking is honestly one of my strong qualities and that my academic record is proof that I am constantly pushing myself and getting things done at a top notch rate, but it got to the point where she was like 'do you ever let yourself de-stress?' and she sounded concerned hahahah she asked what I do to destress and since I didn't want to say 'sleep' or 'retail therapy' I said 'well I went to 6 Flags yesterday hahahah she laughed
I didn't realize until I was put on the spot today how many paralells there are between being a toddler teacher and working in a transitional living facility for the adolescent age group. My background in childcare is actually a HUGEEEEEEEE plus for working in human services because it is the same type of deal, working in family systems, being overworked and underpaid, nothing is reliable, you stick with it for the love of the population and not for the money. I obviously know alllllllll about that. And they consider teaching to be SO closely related, which I did not know. Anyways, not sure what I'm trying to say now Buttttt I got ideas for my SOP for gradschool today so that was the biggest plus of this interview I think.
In case you didn't know, I already knew going into this job that I couldn't have it because they said I live too far away and they don't hire people with long commutes for fulltime because statistics show you will quit within the first 3 months due to the stress of the commute coupled with the stress of the job and the fact that the shitty pay does not make the commuting expenses worthwhile. However, I asked if I could still interview to get my foot in the door in case a part time position opens in the future. I wanted to be persistent and show my interest in this particular program, because my interest is huge and genuine. I found out today that there newest program treats teen sex offenders and I couldnt help but think 'WOOOOOO SVU!' haha but yeah
I know I made a general good impression on the interviewer because at the start of the interview she hinted that there was really no point in my interviewing since they don't have part time positions and couldnt offer me fulltime because of the commute, but at the END of the interview she was putting in a call to someone and said she was going to go out of her way to see if she can get me hired on an on-call basis, which would average 20 hours a week filling in for people who call out or take a day off. That sounds like part-time to me, AKA what I wanted.
I sent out 4 resumes and applications to other places yesterday. Callbacks are few and far between, not just for me, for everyone I've talked to.
Interview was good, but outlook overall still very bleak.
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| Priorities, man |
[11 Jun 2009|03:27am] |
The Brooke-ism of the day, as pointed out by Andrew:
"I'm looking at your to-do list here, and 'buy eyeliner pencil sharpener' comes before 'send out resume'."
Thissss had us laughing for about 20 minutes. This is how I roll. Gosh, why don't I have a job?
Well ACTUALLY I got called for an interview today. It's for a residential counselor position at a center for teen girls who are cutters, prostitutes, or have eating disorders. Did I mention IT'S SALARIED. It's a legit job. 40 hours a week. Sounds amazing right? Here's the clincher: It's an hour and 15 minutes away by public transportation and requires 3 train/bus/subway switch-overs for $18 a day, as well as walking many blocks. Even if I COULD drive myself there, parking is $15 a day, plus there's gas. The pay is complete SHIT, and half the money would go into getting there.
I'm going to go to the interview and orientation next week, and IF and only IF it looks like the most amazing thing ever and not just Teen Living Program part 2, I will try to make it work somehow. Otherwise, blah. At least I know I CAN get a job. Why couldn't this be like in Lowell or something??
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| Because seven ate nine |
[08 Jun 2009|02:04am] |
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789 in NYC is a month from today! I think I might be most excited to meet my inner self, Justine hahhaha
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| Hey Jew'd |
[01 Jun 2009|02:50am] |
If I don't have an internship by September, I don't start Phd until September 2011. TWO GODDAMN YEARS AWAY. FUCK ME.
Putting my degree completion in 2017, putting me at AGE 30. That's the cutoff for me and school. If I am in school past age 30 I QUITTTTTTTTT and I'm going to go do makeup for pornstars.
So with that being said, happy June!
The definition of me right now is 'life on hold' and then someone told me that was a local highschool band. LAWL.
Going to the beach tomorrow, there's one thing you have the luxury of doing when life is on hold. Sleepin in the sand and readin books.
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| Crazy Eye <3 |
[21 May 2009|03:56am] |
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mood |
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 devestated |
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Here's the cat story.
Short version is, we think Andrew's neighbor did something to most of Andrew's outdoor cats. 'Did something' is either brought them to live on a farm, or killed them. I honestly have no idea which is more likely and at this point I almost don't mind if I never see them again, I just want to know they're ALIVE and were not killed horribly.
Long version is:
As a result of being cat lover, having some unfixed cats, and not wanting to have to give 'leftover' kittens that don't get homes from litters to an animal shelter where they might be put to sleep, Andrew's family has 12 cats. Do NOT comment and tell me the cats should be fix/ask why the cats aren't fixed. I KNOW they should be fixed, and there are reasons why they aren't. THE END.
So, the cat number is obviously a bit out of hand, and the plan was when tax returns came to pay the $50 each that it costs to give some of the cats to a shelter. Andrew's mom had mentioned this in chatting with the neighbor, and the neighbor said he might have a solution. He is good friends with the family that owns the huge farm in town, and some of the cats could be dropped there to live in the barns/outside as barn cats, along with several others that are there. This is actually a better alternative than bringing adult cats to shelters where they'll probably be put to sleep in a week if they aren't bought. So, this arrangement was pending.
At the end of last week, 8 of the cats were suddenly gone from the house/yard, and we assumed that the neighbor came and took the cats from Andrew's yard to bring to the farm while no one was home. Not a big deal, except that there were certain cats that WERE going to be kept as pets, and it seemed he took 2 of those by accident. I start getting sad/concerned that CrazyEye (lol) and Angel are living on a farm and I/we want them back home. I ask Andrew's mom if we can just call the farm family and tell them about the mixup and ask if we can search around the property to take 2 of the cats back. Andrew's mom said she wants to call the neighbor first to find out if he actually TOLD the farm people he was going to be dropping cats there. He might have just DONE it, and she didn't want to get anyone in trouble, if this was supposed to be a secret. (Things start to get sketchy).
She calls neighbor, and neighbor DENIES TAKING ANY CATS TO THE FARM YET. He said he never came over because he was waiting on Andrew, and the cats must just be out. EIGHT CATS DO NOT DISAPPEAR THE SAME DAY AND NOT COME BACK FOR FIVE DAYS. Andrew's mom pressed a bit more and was like 'well Andrew's cat is missing, and he's very upset. The cat I wanted to keep is gone too'. The guy says he's seen cats out in the yard all day, which is UNTRUE, because Andrew and I were OUT in the yard all day. So he denies any cats being missing and says they're probably just roaming around for longer periods of time because the weathers nice and they're in heat. He's being very sketchy on the phone.
SO NOW, since 8 cats are SUDDENLY nowhere to be found, there are 2 options.
Option 1 is he actually did bring them to the farm, and just told us he didn't because he didn't get permission from the farm people and doesn't want us going there asking about cats and getting him in trouble. Im PRAYING this is what happened, please pray too.
Option 2 is that he 'took care' of the cats himself. This is a feasible option because A) we know he is fed up with how many outdoor pets are in the neighborhood and B) BECAUSE LAST WEEK HE WAS BRAGGING TO ANDREWS FAMILY ABOUT HOW HE KILLED THE FERAL CAT IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD. There is this big scraggly homeless cat that has lived in the woods there for YEARS, and impregnates everyones pet cats. Yeah, nobody is a fan of it, but last week this guy fucking KILLED IT, said he 'gave it a headache' AKA smashed it in the head with something. Could he have done this to 8 cats? I'd like to think that he COULDN'T, if not for moral reasons, at least for difficulty reasons. Where would he have done this? How would he have rounded up, kidnapped and kept 8 cats when Andrews house is literally a foot away from his? What did he do with bodies? 8 animals is just A LOT of work to kill, I hope it hindered him. My fantasy yesterday was that he had them all rounded up in his basement to kill, and when Andrew's mom called and asked it scared him and he starts releasing them back into the yard to make it look like they were never gone. If he does this, I won't even be mad at him. I just want Crazy Eye and Angel back. Hell, I don't even need them back, I just want them to be ALIVE. NOT KILLED. I would have rather them gone to the shelter and got euthanized than have some 55 year old prick whack them in the head. ITS NOT FUCKING FAIR. Most of the missing cats are only a year old. They have so many years ahead of them, and they are all SO GOOD. One of them has kittens at Andrew's house (past nursing age thank god). Some had fucking COLLARS on. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE just let it not be feasible for one person to have killed them.
I also start to wonder if the farm thing was EVER even true, if he ever intended to bring cats there. Maybe he just wanted Andrew to cage them up, give them to him, and then he was going to just kill them? I hope Im just being pessimistic. FUCK
I am not going to get over Crazy Eye. I got so attached to him and hes such a lovebug and its NOT FAIR. I just cant stop picturing this son of a bitch crouching down and luring cats over to him with kissy noises, and Im sure they happily ran over purring because they are all lovey attention whores, and then he KILLED them.
I'm going to wait a couple days and see if any miracle happens, and then Im going to make Andrew's family do something. I know that they'll probably let it blow over to not cause any more unpleasantry, but I won't. (To throw in another wrench, the neighbor IS the husband of Andrew's godmother. She is a good woman and Andrew's family is best friends with her. She would know nothing about her husband's actions, we're sure of that. They're not FRIENDS specifically with the man, but because he's married to a close friend they won't want to cause conflict.) I've looked up MA state laws, and things on the ASPCA site and I know that killing even a feral animal warrants fines and possible jailtime. Police can be contacted, and ASPCA can be contacted. I know half of you are probably like 'lol, right, animal rights' but fuck you. There are MANY dogs and cats in that neighborhood, and families should at least be warned that their pets aren't safe outside now because there's a murderer there. If he did actually do this, I have no remorse in saying that I hope someone comes up behind him and bashes his fucking skull in, mercilessly.
On the non-legal side, and the MAYBE MAYBE MAYBE there's a 1% chance we can get the cats back side, I'm going to that farm, with or without anyone from Andrew's family. I will talk to them, and maybe not even rat the guy out. I can say that I live on the street by the farm, my cat is missing, and I saw it running into the woods that border the farm. The cat DOES have a collar, so can't I search their property for my missing pet?? I'll fucking offer them MONEY if they can keep an eye out for it. I NEED to TRY.
And then if I don't find them? I don't fucking know. I'll have to face that they're probably dead. Well there's a lot of farm land, it could be hard to find them at all even if they are there, but I'll spend as much time and as many days in a row on that property as I can. Most of the cats come when called. Especially if food is shaken.
I could probably block out the fact that 6 of those cats are gone. I can pretend 6/8, 3/4 of this never happened because I don't want to even think about it. But I CANNOT get over Crazy Eye and Angel. Im fucking devestated. If you have room in your life to pray (I prefer to say hope) for something as 'insignificant' as a cat, PLEASE do. I want him back, or to at least be alive, so badly :( Im hoping that hoping can undo any horridness that was already done. Can't ONE or TWO cats just come wandering back into the yard?
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[16 May 2009|02:14am] |
THERE. Applied for a job/internship at Brandon Residential Treatment Center.
I'm half expecting to get a 'not accepting applications at this time' note.
We'll see, hopes are not up.
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[12 May 2009|05:26am] |
Straylight Run, Tuesday May 19th @ The Middle East
Anyone, anyone? Can anyone even stand them besides me? haha
I kind of don't dig them without Michelle and that's sad. Her miserable presence will be missed live, prettiest voice everrrr.
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| Checkkkkkkkkkk please |
[12 May 2009|03:04am] |
List of tasks accomplished today, although pretty much none were really related to anything important:
-Took a bubble bath and caught up on Family Guy episodes oh wait no, that doesn't count
- Made packages for mailing
- Finished Josh's gift/package finally
- Emailed people who forgot to send contest pictures
- Emailed professor and got grade error changed
- Burned 2/5 DVDs I need to burn for someone
- Hung up/filled nail polish racks
- Sorted and swatched the lot of 50 nail polishes
- Located my resume on a disc!
- Got my resume 75% ready to send to Brandon Treatment Center
- Manicure for the week Oh that probably doesn't count either
Those were very minimal tasks, but there sure are a lot of them! A productive day was had by all.
Tomorrow:
-Handle Ebay shit
-Email Face Off contest pics arghlsjfldk I keep forgetting about this
-Finish packages
-Finish DVD burning
-Finish resume
-Call Knowledge Beginnings
-Mom's manicure
-Certification shit
Probably more oh well bye, reading Scott Peterson book (which is wayyyyyyyy too psychoanalytic-perspective for my liking, it makes me think of Reichenthal and makes me want to puke) and going to sleep. I hateeee the psychoanalytic perspective, it has about as much credibility as astrology in my oppinion.
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| Sandcrabs |
[11 May 2009|02:02am] |
Random update:
I want to live at York Beach for the summer.
My parents used the enticing possibility of a tropical vacation to bribe me into attending graduation, and then when I brought it up a few weeks later my mom literally laughed in my face and said 'HA, that's ridiculous, your father said no way anyways'. I got no explanation. Just because my parents have never gone anywhere or never planned a trip, I will never go anywhere. The only vacation my family's ever gone on is Maine, which is 2 hours away, has no attractions, and is shittier weather than here. We used to do Cape Cod when I was like, under 9, but that was only for 2 days, and has weather similar to Maine. Hell, I'd take Cape Cod at this point.
I'm ACHING to go to a beach for an extended period of time. No graduation present for me though, apparently.
WANT. YORK BEACH. NOW.
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[01 May 2009|05:47pm] |
Graduation Cords:
Psi Chi- Gold with blue tassles
Presidential Honors Scholar- Blue and gold intertwine
Summa Cum Laude- ?
Psych Major- ?
Gender Studies Minor- Lavender
Pretty pretty decorations I will have! Should have been a Soc major to have a teal cord!!
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[01 May 2009|12:35am] |
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My self hatred poses a much greater immediate threat than a small percent risk of skin cancer. But, nobody believes me.
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[17 Apr 2009|02:33am] |
If I bring THE SonRisa back into the online makeup world, I will DIE. Especially via LIVE TUTORIAL.
I'm explaining youtube celeb-hood to her tomorrow, and I'm telling you she will be the next big thing.
I want to post this to m_c but I don't want to exploit her privacy and such so I'll post it here and the 15 of you that care can read it and jump up and down with excitement with me! I think I have had wet dreams about Risa doing live tutorials. She had no idea people made money off that. She could be a freaking millionaire, I don't know if she realizes how legendary and talked about she still is in the online makeup world.
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| AWWW NAWWW |
[16 Apr 2009|10:00pm] |
You will always be my Hell's Kitchen winner Big Boy!
I hope your heart gets better, you didn't deserve to leave!
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| Fuck |
[14 Apr 2009|04:06pm] |
Thanks Chris Gutierrez's LiveJournal.
I may be unemployed and miserable, I may be unable to find an internship, I may be graduating college in 3 weeks with a useless major, I may be regretting going to school for something I was actually passionate about, I may have had to listen to all my classmates all day talk about all the new clothes and electronics and dvds they got for Easter because I may be the only person who goes to Merrimack whose family doesn't have money, and the future very well may look bleaker than it EVER has.
But Chris Gutierrez's LiveJournal is trying to remind me that my own tenacity is still there somewhere even though I feel hopeless.
Everything is fucked, besides a few people.
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| Coll Edge |
[01 Apr 2009|12:25am] |
We have to submit/vote on what quote we want on our senior T-shirt...
Give me ideas and lyrics about leaving/ending/college/future etc... or else we're going to end up with something queer like "All I need are my good friends cheap beer and some mind altering drugs"
My submission so far is
Front of shirt: College is too short
Back: Thats what she said
(I would have rather said 'college is too LONG' but Im the only one that feels that way, and 'short' goes better with 'thats what she said'
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