These are my days, this is how they stay...

sayanythingbrooke@gmail.com — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 03:53:30 GMT

tick tick tick tick tick
I want to be rich, and someplace where we don't have to talk to anyone from here ever againnnnnnn.

The number 22, not 23 thats a shitty movie

sayanythingbrooke@gmail.com — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:26:32 GMT

22 is the magic number! 22 CLASSES TIL ANOTHER DEGREE! I feel decent. In May 2011 I will 're-graduate'. I dont have to take a SINGLE nonsense gen-ed class, not one. I'm as on-track as I can be right now, for someone who has been completely de-railed for 4 years. The only thing that pisses me off is that what I'm doing right now could have been done 4 years ago and I could have had a real career and a real life right now. But whatever, can't change it, can just pick up, albeit 2 years behind where I'm supposed to be. Pro-longed toddler teaching is the benefit?

Means Me

sayanythingbrooke@gmail.com — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 07:40:19 GMT

Honestly nothing surprises me, I don't put anything past anyone, and it's a weird feeling to say that only half of me cares and the other half of me doesn't, because coming close to believing 'what you don't know doesn't hurt you' feels like giving up.

Git money git money, be glad for ANYTHING you have, and realize that you're #1 and you have to look out for #1 at all times because no one else will.

sayanythingbrooke@gmail.com — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 08:21:04 GMT

Look on the bright side, waiting 2 years before going for my doctorate means it doesn't matter that I didn't study this summer to retake my GREs, and I can procrastinate doing so for another full year!

And also

sayanythingbrooke@gmail.com — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 19:27:06 GMT

Justine found this blog entry from someone else who went to 789, talking about how the weekend made you rethink things in your life and how everything got depressing after and YUP. Its dead on and its AMAZING to me that someone else felt this way:

"And things are back to normal. Unfortunately “normal” for me is quite boring, and 10x more boring after the week I just had. So boring, I don’t even know what to do with myself anymore. The plainness of my life was acceptable to me before, nothing has changed. The only difference now is that I’ve gotten a taste of how amazing and exciting things can be, and now my expectations have risen.

I’ve seen the kind of friends I can have. And so the things I accepted before seem like wastes of time to me now. I could be staying at somebody’s house tonight. I could be working on a project. I could be grocery shopping. I could be taking pictures. I could be making videos.

Yet I sit here and I do nothing. Sure, I’ll make a video or edit a picture. I’ll read, or do something semi-productive, but with no company. (oh gee, does this person have the SAME life as me or what?)

I’m pretty certain the rest of the kandy krew has not been effected by this the way I have. They went back to huge groups of friends and work and lives that have meaning. (this this this this. Im sure its stupid to think, but I feel like no one misses me the way I miss them and that everyone else is fine without all our friendship. I know Joy feels similarly, and I know Joy and I both have no self esteem.)

I went back to sitting at my computer typing up blog entries.

While this does all suck, it’s a bit eye opening to me. Not only has meeting these amazing people made me realize what I was missing, but it opened so many doors to new things in the future, with them. One day, I’m going to go to Oregon, and Canada, and California. And it’s going to be with and to see people I love. And I’m going to meet new people and do new things. (YES YES YES YES 789 made me realize that I haven't had REALLY FUN FUN or laughed nonstop, since HIGHSCHOOL. I have spent 4 years having NO FUN. College was the most empty miserable 4 years of my life, which I knew before, but NOW that I've seen there's more out there I feel compelled to MAKE UP for all the fun I haven't been having. It's gotten to where I accept the fact that the most exciting thing that happens to me in a month is a trip to the mall with Rachel or Joy. All the other days Andrew and I hang out and do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Play video games and watch netflix.) I CAN go on trips. This is another big thing: Because my parents do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, ever (IE they won't go on vacations that aren't just staying at Gwen's house) I have convinced myself over time that I don't WANT to do anything. While I honestly don't enjoy TRAVEL itself, it's a huge hassle, and I have no desire to see famous things or leave the country, I CAN still go places (to see the people that are becoming important to me and just ENJOY LIFE). I'm an adult, with a bank account and money saved that is 100% earned by me, I've just never had anyone to plan trips with or to GO WITH because my family refuses. Just because THEY do nothing doesn't mean I have to do nothing. I CAN go to IMATS in Toronto. Everyone else has been to Canada to spend a week underage drinking, I can go there to meet up with friends who are scattered across the country and do what we love. I CAN go to Disney World with the DreamTeam in 2010. I CAN go to any of the states where these friends are and just LIVE for awhile because they offer a place to stay. I CAN make sure Josh plans that Hawaii trip. Because when the hell else and with WHO the hell else will I ever do these things with? Family trips don't exist in my family, none of my real life friends have money to do anything, and my adult life where I have a job and a family and shit hasn't started yet. No better time than NOW. Time to start hoarding money and go on every single trip that Josh's extravagant mind can come up with.)

All that means for me now is that I keep my expectations high, and no longer settle for the plain things that seemed acceptable before"

Shamstuff <3

sayanythingbrooke@gmail.com — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 13:11:37 GMT

Rest in peace Shammy <3
I don't think I cried this much when my own kitty died in highschool.

You were the best cat in the world and its not fair but I hope you loved the life you did have baby

Tru Fax

sayanythingbrooke@gmail.com — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 09:19:53 GMT

"People have their exits and their entrances". "So thank you for serving that particular purpose at that particular time in my life".

At my core I am overwhelmingly drawn to charity case individuals
and I love NOTHING more than to give.

Suzy please don't finish that last sentence.

SAW 6 IN 3 MONTHS!

sayanythingbrooke@gmail.com — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 21:03:54 GMT

OBBBBBBSESSED! Still getting chills every time I hear the climax music!!!!!!!!!

Not to mentionnnnnnnn Rob Zombie's Halloween II a month from this weekend!

Fuck me

sayanythingbrooke@gmail.com — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 06:05:12 GMT

Biggest mistake in my life was picking my major. Whyyyy oh whyyyy. I wasted my free ride money on something fruitless. How much would it cost to just do like 2 years of undergrad over to get a different degree? Gen-eds are done, can't I just pick up a second major? It would probably be more worthwhile than wasting money on a billion years of school for more psych bullshit.

Dumb dumb dumb dumb me for picking a job based on something I was interested in. Today, you don't pick a job based on what you love. You pick a job based on what is going to pay the bills. You won'ttttt convince me that you should just 'do what makes you happy', because I can bring you full circle and tell you that living comfortably and well makes me happy, money makes you live comfortably and well, and therefore money makes me happy. Money can solve 90% of all problems, I've always said it and it holds true. Money has pull, and some pull in some direction can fix virtually anything.

Give me anything and I will excel at it. That I can say with confidence, excelling is what I do, what I've always done. Teach me the basis of something and I will excel. Sadly, I picked a field, much like teaching, where there IS no excelling. You bust your ass and get nowhere.

You knowwww that the jobs that help human beings the most are most underpaid and underappreciated. I have always said that teachers are the most important people in the world. WHO does the average kid spend most of their life around, see most, perhaps see more than their family. Teachers. Teachers influence EVERYTHING, teachers are such HUGE figures in your life. Can you imagine if you had the same teacher for everything, from preschool through college? That person would be your entire life. Teachers, collectively, are your entire life. I sound like a lunatic, but my point is the under appreciation thing. Teachers make no money, and are seen as having bad jobs. In the majority of jobs where you help human beings, that is the only payoff you get, the work itself. The exhausting work itself. Teachers, Peace Corps, Social Work, Psychology.

Teach me computers, teach me marketing, give me a basis in anything and I can be the best at it. But nottttttt this fruitless effort. YAY HUMAN SERVICES.

sayanythingbrooke@gmail.com — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 03:43:12 GMT

Every single everything is entirely discouraging, 100%. I'm just sick to death of it and waiting to catch a break.
My motivation is sucked dry and fun is needed but impossible to come by.
Yupppp.

6 months til Christmas

sayanythingbrooke@gmail.com — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 21:06:46 GMT

One of the top reasons I want money is because I love nothing more than spoiling people at Christmas. It's depressing to know I might not be able to buy people a thousand Christmas gifts, I wish I was rich.

Awwww xSparkage!

sayanythingbrooke@gmail.com — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 21:07:05 GMT

IM SO EXCITED FOR OUR GIRL!!! She has a full page spread in Seventeen Magazine August issue:

Leesha Im so proud of youuuuuuuuuu :)

Books Fo Sale

sayanythingbrooke@gmail.com — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 02:41:48 GMT

A few people asked to see this list so Im just posting it here, I have a ton of books to sell mostly paperback novels for like $1 each, list under the cut. The numbers after the title indicate what condition the book is in on a scale of 1-5. No pages or covers are missing, everything is 100% readable no problem.

Horror

Children of the Dark by Charles Veley 2
The Guardian by Dan Greenburg 3
~~Night Chills by Dean Koontz 3~~
~~False Memory by Dean Koontz 5~~
Body of Evidence by Patricia Cornwell 4.5
The Foundling By Frank Lauria 2
Poltergeist by James Kahn 3
The Godsend by Bernard Taylor 2.5
Insomnia by Stephen King 3.5
~~Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris 3~~
The Abyss by Steve Vance 3.5
Desperation by Stephen King (hardcover) 4.5
~~The Playroom by Gloria Murphy 3~~
Elizabeth by Jessica Hamilton 3
For the Love of Audrey Rose by Frank Defelitta

Random:

Sun Signs by Linda Goodman (about astrology) 2.5

~~The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde 5~~

~~The Turn of the Screw by Henry James 5~~

1984 by Orville 4

Buffy Watchers Guide 4

MLA Handbook for Writers of Research Papers 6^th Edition (want like $5 for this, I paid textbook price) 4.5

Psychology of the Sopranos by Glen Gabbard (hardcover brand new) 5

The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame 3

Somewhere Between Life and Death by Lurlene McDaniel 4

Chicken Soup For the Pet Lover’s Soul 3.5

Chicken Soup For the Teenage Soul 3.5

Chicken Soup For the Teenage Soul II 4

Chicken Soup For the Teenage Soul III 3.5

Chicken Soup Teen Love on Relationships 4.5

CS Lewis:

The Magician’s Nephew 3

The Last Battle 3

Lion Witch and the Wardrobe 2.5

Entrevista

sayanythingbrooke@gmail.com — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 02:56:41 GMT

I want to grade/rate myself on each 'real life' (AKA psych field, not a store or daycare center lol) interview I have, just for my own reference.

Today was real life interview #1 and I give myself an 80%. I want to say 75% because I feel like I rambled too much and didn't quite answer what she asked me by accident. BUT she seemed to LOVE me so I bump to 80% haha

My biggest mistake was I made myself sound like an overly stressed workaholic, which started off as a good thing because they kept emphasizing how much of an exhausting job it is and how you are multitasking and doing other people's jobs at all times and need to be prepared for that. I told her multitasking is honestly one of my strong qualities and that my academic record is proof that I am constantly pushing myself and getting things done at a top notch rate, but it got to the point where she was like 'do you ever let yourself de-stress?' and she sounded concerned hahahah she asked what I do to destress and since I didn't want to say 'sleep' or 'retail therapy' I said 'well I went to 6 Flags yesterday hahahah she laughed

I didn't realize until I was put on the spot today how many paralells there are between being a toddler teacher and working in a transitional living facility for the adolescent age group. My background in childcare is actually a HUGEEEEEEEE plus for working in human services because it is the same type of deal, working in family systems, being overworked and underpaid, nothing is reliable, you stick with it for the love of the population and not for the money. I obviously know alllllllll about that. And they consider teaching to be SO closely related, which I did not know. Anyways, not sure what I'm trying to say now Buttttt I got ideas for my SOP for gradschool today so that was the biggest plus of this interview I think.

In case you didn't know, I already knew going into this job that I couldn't have it because they said I live too far away and they don't hire people with long commutes for fulltime because statistics show you will quit within the first 3 months due to the stress of the commute coupled with the stress of the job and the fact that the shitty pay does not make the commuting expenses worthwhile. However, I asked if I could still interview to get my foot in the door in case a part time position opens in the future. I wanted to be persistent and show my interest in this particular program, because my interest is huge and genuine. I found out today that there newest program treats teen sex offenders and I couldnt help but think 'WOOOOOO SVU!' haha but yeah

I know I made a general good impression on the interviewer because at the start of the interview she hinted that there was really no point in my interviewing since they don't have part time positions and couldnt offer me fulltime because of the commute, but at the END of the interview she was putting in a call to someone and said she was going to go out of her way to see if she can get me hired on an on-call basis, which would average 20 hours a week filling in for people who call out or take a day off. That sounds like part-time to me, AKA what I wanted.

I sent out 4 resumes and applications to other places yesterday. Callbacks are few and far between, not just for me, for everyone I've talked to.

Interview was good, but outlook overall still very bleak.

Because seven ate nine

sayanythingbrooke@gmail.com — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 06:05:57 GMT

789 in NYC is a month from today! I think I might be most excited to meet my inner self, Justine hahhaha

Hey Jew'd

sayanythingbrooke@gmail.com — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 06:58:42 GMT

If I don't have an internship by September, I don't start Phd until September 2011. TWO GODDAMN YEARS AWAY. FUCK ME.
Putting my degree completion in 2017, putting me at AGE 30. That's the cutoff for me and school. If I am in school past age 30 I QUITTTTTTTTT and I'm going to go do makeup for pornstars.
So with that being said, happy June!

The definition of me right now is 'life on hold' and then someone told me that was a local highschool band. LAWL.

Going to the beach tomorrow, there's one thing you have the luxury of doing when life is on hold. Sleepin in the sand and readin books.

sayanythingbrooke@gmail.com — Sat, 16 May 2009 06:16:59 GMT

THERE. Applied for a job/internship at Brandon Residential Treatment Center.
I'm half expecting to get a 'not accepting applications at this time' note.
We'll see, hopes are not up.

sayanythingbrooke@gmail.com — Tue, 12 May 2009 09:28:55 GMT

Straylight Run, Tuesday May 19th @ The Middle East
Anyone, anyone? Can anyone even stand them besides me? haha
I kind of don't dig them without Michelle and that's sad. Her miserable presence will be missed live, prettiest voice everrrr.

Checkkkkkkkkkk please

sayanythingbrooke@gmail.com — Tue, 12 May 2009 07:16:27 GMT

List of tasks accomplished today, although pretty much none were really related to anything important:

~~-Took a bubble bath and caught up on Family Guy episodes~~ oh wait no, that doesn't count
- Made packages for mailing
- Finished Josh's gift/package finally
- Emailed people who forgot to send contest pictures
- Emailed professor and got grade error changed
- Burned 2/5 DVDs I need to burn for someone
- Hung up/filled nail polish racks
- Sorted and swatched the lot of 50 nail polishes
- Located my resume on a disc!
- Got my resume 75% ready to send to Brandon Treatment Center
- ~~Manicure for the week~~ Oh that probably doesn't count either

Those were very minimal tasks, but there sure are a lot of them! A productive day was had by all.

Tomorrow:
-Handle Ebay shit
-Email Face Off contest pics arghlsjfldk I keep forgetting about this
-Finish packages
-Finish DVD burning
-Finish resume
-Call Knowledge Beginnings
-Mom's manicure
-Certification shit

Probably more oh well bye, reading Scott Peterson book (which is wayyyyyyyy too psychoanalytic-perspective for my liking, it makes me think of Reichenthal and makes me want to puke) and going to sleep. I hateeee the psychoanalytic perspective, it has about as much credibility as astrology in my oppinion.

sayanythingbrooke@gmail.com — Fri, 01 May 2009 21:51:19 GMT

Graduation Cords:

Psi Chi- Gold with blue tassles
Presidential Honors Scholar- Blue and gold intertwine
Summa Cum Laude- ?
Psych Major- ?
Gender Studies Minor- Lavender

Pretty pretty decorations I will have! Should have been a Soc major to have a teal cord!!

sayanythingbrooke@gmail.com — Fri, 01 May 2009 04:36:51 GMT

My self hatred poses a much greater immediate threat than a small percent risk of skin cancer. But, nobody believes me.

sayanythingbrooke@gmail.com — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 06:38:00 GMT

If I bring THE SonRisa back into the online makeup world, I will DIE. Especially via LIVE TUTORIAL.
I'm explaining youtube celeb-hood to her tomorrow, and I'm telling you she will be the next big thing.
I want to post this to m_c but I don't want to exploit her privacy and such so I'll post it here and the 15 of you that care can read it and jump up and down with excitement with me! I think I have had wet dreams about Risa doing live tutorials. She had no idea people made money off that. She could be a freaking millionaire, I don't know if she realizes how legendary and talked about she still is in the online makeup world.

AWWW NAWWW

sayanythingbrooke@gmail.com — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 02:03:10 GMT

You will always be my Hell's Kitchen winner Big Boy!
I hope your heart gets better, you didn't deserve to leave!

Coll Edge

sayanythingbrooke@gmail.com — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 04:29:05 GMT

We have to submit/vote on what quote we want on our senior T-shirt...

Give me ideas and lyrics about leaving/ending/college/future etc... or else we're going to end up with something queer like "All I need are my good friends cheap beer and some mind altering drugs"

My submission so far is
Front of shirt: College is too short
Back: Thats what she said

(I would have rather said 'college is too LONG' but Im the only one that feels that way, and 'short' goes better with 'thats what she said'

Help me with research please

sayanythingbrooke@gmail.com — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 23:22:31 GMT

I'm doing a project and research presentation on nudes, no lie. It's a topic of academic interest now thanks to the whole sexting thing. I'm interviewing adolescents who have had their naked pictures shown around.
Basically just tell me your story/why you took them/how they got out/how you handled it/etc...

It's anonymous and for academia, I have to sign off on a bunch of consent forms for the IRB so don't worry about it. And I don't need to see the pictures. Ha. Ha.

But seriously, if you can help PLEASE COMMENT. You just have to have been in middle school or highschool at the time that the pictures got out (you can be older now obviously). Please include your current age, age when photos got out, and gender.

COMMENTS ON THIS ENTRY ARE SET SO THAT ONLY I CAN READ THEM, and you can leave it ANONYMOUSLY as well so I will have no idea who you are.